Have you ever asked yourself, "If I wasn't afraid what could I accomplish ?"
I use to imagine all the impossible things I could do if I could only break loose of the chains that bound me. In my mind, I could picture myself flying to the highest reaches and coming back down only to soar again and again. There was NO fear, there in the midst of my heart and above the clouds was peace and freedom. It has been my life long dream even in the silent days to soar, to open my wings and fly among the clouds... to feel the breathe of God light up that little gem of greatness until it burned brighter than even I thought it could. God can do that you know... take the gift you were made for and allow it to make a way for you to push past the "Nay Sayers" and fly so high that only you and GOD know how high you can actually reach.
There is a place inside you that burns to do what it was that God created you to be. Sometimes, it's gone cold and we feel lost but the closer we reach out to God the more we find his heart for us.
God knew you from the beginning and he blessed you with his heart to do the thing he wrote on your soul to do, for me it was writing. I love it so much that even the smell of paper gives me a sense of coming home. Paper is my canvas and it shapes how I walk and talk and even breathe at times. It changes the canvas and scope of the life I lead. When I seek God, I find he inspires the one thing I love that isn't family or friends.
I tell my husband all the time THANK YOU for what he does. I know it isn't easy. He will say "It's what I do". Writing is "what I do" ... It is my driving force/ inspiration and can only be accomplished through God at the helm. My life never made sense until he put it all in order once again. Believing he would change the face of the thing I loved, he changed my canvas and my stars. He disciplined and discipled my heart and my motivation.
Recently, my journey not being as clear as it once was, was presented before God in a way that only he knows was not appropriate for what we had done together. I didn't yell at him but I through up in his face that this was not where I should be, it was the voice of a child instead of a patient adult. I was sad at the way I had spoken to my friends, Father, Son & Holy Spirit. By the time, I apologized later that day ... in a few minutes I heard " I am not afraid of you." Now, to understand what he was tell me you have to know why he told me " I am not afraid of you" ... Often, my husband is sassy... Often, I am sassy back when the banter comes to a head I often say to him "I'm not afraid of you" in my most confident tone. It's the same as sticking my tongue out ... just verbally. We laugh and move on to the next thing at hand that we will likely sass about as well. I never take this kind of banter with my husband seriously. My husband being the one of kind that he is takes much of our sarcasm and adds to the fire.
He is beautifully and wonderfully made.
Fast forward, to the moments in the car the Holy Spirit dropped in my soul " I am not afraid of you"
It was so powerful to hear him take the words I had said to my husband a hundred times and use them on me. He wasn't afraid that I got upset with him, suddenly I was free of condemnation because of his heart for me.
The next day as I was sitting in the parking lot of a local mall, about to go do some "Mom stuff", the Holy spirit dropped something else in my heart. "He wasn't afraid of the process it took to get me where I needed to be." He simply knew every day was a journey and we would do it together as we had always done. Friends do that for one another. They listen to each others hearts when the words fail. They know that their hearts are troubled and weary and the words don't mean much when the heart is burdened and over flowing with process. Over the last two 1/2 years I have learned to listen to the heart of the Father for me, but when it comes to training my heart to listen to him about others... I have failed miserably.
I knew God was ready for me to put in practice the love he had shown me onto others, but I wasn't ready to put away the fear and judgement that was in my heart. Clearly, I had some work to do. Some practical application I don't necessarily use. God has been molding me for a long time. Each time he was doing the work... he is still doing the work. The least I can do is say YES. stop performing in anyway and let the Lord do his work.
All he needs is our whole heart, our full cooperation and to step aside from the things that would mean keeping our pride in tact. Sounds big doesn't it? After two straight years of listening to his heart for me, and saying yes when he asked ... if the choice is being without him or going with him to parts unknown, If it means I get to spend my life with Him!... I choose HIM. He was always my destiny, the truest path I could have walked. He is the way, the truth and the life of my heart, and no destiny or gift great or small compares to the love of God in my heart. There is simply no one before HIM.
He is the light that shines the way to over, through and on this journey I call my life, and I don't want it if it doesn't come from HIM.
What a dream come true. With in the confines of this kind of processing, I find that my faith is strengthened and my heart is more driven to understand His ways in my life, than ever. It's ok, to be lost in your own flesh as long as you know that God designed us to process with him and not away from him. To live in the space where God is, creates the safest place to make a mistake, tumble, slip and just flat out face plant. God knows your weaknesses, your doubts and your dreams and ALL of them are ok. He doesn't expect perfection, he's not looking for that... He is however, I believe... looking for the love that is produced when you give people that safe space to move about the cabin freely and have the opportunity to mess up and come back. Tell Him you messed up and keep going.
He's not afraid of you, strange as it may sound. So, feel free to process without fear and learn to soar through the sky at your own pace.
As one of my favorite speakers and authors writes " God loves your process even more than you do"
Your gonna be "ok" child of God. Beloved, new creature of the most high Father, God. You will will your battle and you WILL walk knowing that you did NOT do this on your own.
Go after your dream knowing that every step was a step with the most HIGH God and fall in love with the journey that takes you there.
I stood looking in the mirror today, reflecting upon the things I have overcome in during my life.
I reached in and began to disassemble the things that had been built over the last season of my life.
I think because I was so interested in how they worked. How GOD worked through them.
Somewhere in the midst, I saw the angle... It was refined like polished steal. The LIE.
...and I almost fell for it.
Several times during the last couple of years God would show me glimpses into the beautiful life he has planned for me. Not once did I question his sovereign plan, because lets face it ... he has better plans! Now that being said, I began to wonder from the outset of the book "when" all these things would be manifested.
I yearned to hear the voice of the Lord tell me, it was time. Time to be free of all my shackles and move forward. Time for a word, time for someone to notice my book and the dream would begin. The things God spoke in my heart would auto manifest and I would be a household name before I knew it.
Here is the trouble with most dreamers, creatives are much the same around the world... they dream.
It is those very dreams that God rises in their being and has them call out to the world.
These dreams can become in balanced with all that success promises, it never promises a level head or that even if success is your designated environment it would be all that you imagined.
I longed to see the promises God talked to me about come to their most amazing conclusion or at least the one in my head. I had not built a shrine to the destiny God showed me but I did badger him with it day in and day out. There was definite impatiences with in my waiting upon the Lord to set me free of this state of being that was not anticipated success.
so God asked you to write a book. Asked you to create time and space and gave you the hope and security you need to get the job done and now with all his brilliance you less than rewarded for it.
So you say to yourself, it's ok... God will come through! He said it, I believe it ... and that's it, it's done.
until a few days later when of course, it's not done and your telling God "hey, I thought you were going to do this thing... you know the future you showed me?"
God is so good he begin to recite the love in his heart to you. and conveys with all his holy insight that YOU are his child. ( I have melted by this point and have been brought to my rightful place of humble)
Fast forward to 9 months later. Success still has not banged on my door even a little bit.
I begin to feel that I have missed it, or quit frankly GOD must have.... I don't see anything God showed me would be here when I finished my life long pursuit to write a book.
Till this morning, offended and puffed up with pride... I sit down to pray. As, I was praying, something hit me. I was beginning, not all the way there ... but just beginning to see bitterness eek into my usually humble heart. WHAT? Where did that come from? You know, the enemy ALMOST got away with it.
That sneaky devil was being subversive! I knew I had to act fast. I asked God to loose any bitterness I had cultivated toward him. I asked him to forgive this crazy heart for even entertaining the lie of the enemy.
Here is what I realized. 1. if the enemy can not get away with accusing you to yourself, he will accuse GOD! *I was in my heart accusing the one true God of not completing the work he began.
2. When you set out with God there is no parachute. When we walk in faith we seek to manifest faith to an unbelieving world. We seek to soar with out a net. There is simply no half way mark with God.
It is all the way ... or nothing.
Today, I realized the trouble with relying on safety is that there is not faith involved with parachutes.
God will manifest his dreams for you when your soul prospers ... and not before. Today God showed me that I not only was subject to the enemies lie but my soul hadn't prospered. If I am honest, I knew that... I knew I had some work to do ... but work is hard and it goes with out saying that sometimes your just tired of the world always judging the things of God inside you.
Honestly, I had to admit... I hadn't gotten to the point to where I used my faith more than my sight. God has been trying to teach not to rely on my sight so much as the faith in my heart to rely on God to get me to his promises. To sit back and let go... I will get there one day but none of this is on my time line.
God is a good God and one day ... I will be at his right hand and I will get to say thank you for all the ways you chose to love me. Even when I wasn't grown up enough to know what was going on.
As for the enemy, he was foiled, once again God got his man. Some things God just does because he can... and disappointing the enemy is just a bonus!
God bless you ... and know that God is always with you!
Leaning not unto your own understanding is at best a foreign concept to many of us who have grown up learning to devise ways that make sense to us in a chaotic world. THIS IS SIMPLY DIFFICULT TO UNLEARN, for the sake of Learning who we are in Christ Jesus.
God in HIS righteousness, didn't give us hard tasks but he did ask us to become fishers of men.
(Which is like lifting Dumb Bells for the first time for some of us.) Something HE is very good at doing. JESUS was so cultivated at being "a fisher of men" that HE was able to love the flaws and intricacies of each and every man, and he was able to fit the pieces together for them.
So that wholeness in HIS presence was normal.
IMAGINE, feeling like you are just who you should be right now and no matter what mistake or disjointed attempt you could make for the love of GOD, it was perfect and somehow capable of accomplishing all that GOD needed for that moment.
I don't think any of us feel those inadequacies more acutely than myself. YET, GOD/JESUS knew how to take a man and make him perfect, just by allowing him to be "the created". What does that mean exactly... It is a concept that allows the human experience a place with God. Unhinging, is it not.
That God saw his perfect work as imperfectly workable and tangible in all things good. HIS light being forever shined on the work of his glory.
The Created, is a concept I have often thought of as lonely, indescribably in habitable by the all mighty God. Yet, HIS concept of us, is complete when we are in our imperfected state. (His ways are not our ways) Diligence and Hope create an atmosphere of knowing the God around you. Diligent to seek him and profoundly moved with hope when you find him.
Years ago as a child, I trained myself in my own understanding, but it has not brought me peace.
Only the love of God has drowned out the devil and his consorts. When you work with the enemy you learn to be like the enemy. You never challenge or consult the enemy for his opinions. You defile yourself and GOD for the likelihood of understanding. Which NEVER comes.
The peace of GOD passes all understanding. It means regardless of what is happening or how you feel, we get to rejoice in our circumstances . We get to love one another beyond what we know or understand. We believe and trust that GOD's hand is on it all. Then there is the obvious question that the world will ask you... How do you know GOD will work all things to the good of those who serve him?
Allow me to teach you something, I have learned along the way.
I had an example growing in God of a man that was imperfect in his journey with God. He taught a valuable lesson and in the sense that he taught it to me by living his life this way. What I learned from him was to WAIT. Waiting on the Lord is not easy and at first, it's like giving up your favorite caffeinated drink, but ultimately it's better for you in the long run. I didn't understand his nature but I watched him over the years. He became more and more patient in his pursuit of understanding the world around him. Good or Bad he seem to have this sense of peace.
He learned to wait on God, not be tormented by the things of this world. It is difficult notion to wait and not grow weary. The enemy will bring you gifts of plenty ( a simple strategy he brings to many) to place at your feet as though you were a god. As soon as, you pick of the fruit he will turn it on you.
There is nothing of this world of true consequence except that of Love. If you can grasp that, you will understand why the Lord says to wait upon HIM. The enemy will tell us we need all those things to be the completed person we NEED to be but GOD doesn't tell us that... he tells us to wait upon the LORD. He will bring you JOY of great measure and hope. HIS way, HIS truth and HIS light are the ones that bring us the confidence ( I heard TODD WHITE call this GODfidence) to be who we are capable of becoming in this world. To sacrifice self taught theology to HIS word, creates the person God intented us to be.
He tells us to be secure in the knowledge that GOD knows and does all things for our good and our best benefit. We were not created to be creatures of comfort, but creatures of JOY, ADVENTURE, HOPE and LIGHT.
YOU are a CHILD of the MOST HIGH GOD and HIS ways will suit you best in the coming age.
GOD has a plan for you my dear, and it's not about the wealth of this world but about the wealth of your soul. God knows that character must go first before wealth or the enemy will reduce you to his stature.
Be blessed, and trust in the LORD your GOD and lean not unto your own understanding. The Lord has a plan, it may not be evident to you now... but there is clarity in waiting upon the Lord your GOD to find your way in this world. He is a lamp unto your path... join him on the journey of this world.
I promise HE will never disappoint. :)
When we discover that our desperate times are breeding ground for God's ultimate plan for our lives we will sit still and wait on him to finish his good work and enjoy the ride we are on.
Desperate times do not call for desperate measures, they call for prayer. It is a call to be still inside our hearts and know that he is GOD. When the enemy knows he can not push or pull you in any direction, he then knows he has truly lost.
Do not disquieten yourself but know in your heart that GOD is Lord of all he surveys and he will not be mocked. Your journey is deliberate to him, your dreams his wondrous pleasure. There is nothing he won't do for you, but you must wait upon the Lord and know that his word is sovereign in the scheme of things. This requires maturity.
The LIGHT OF THE LORD is beyond measure, his hand may touch an infinite amount of things. Your life can be touched and reached by all or none of it.
You may go on saying "why me?" while sitting in your kitchen floor crying out to GOD to save you or YOU can trust him to be your friend and to fight with you as you walk through the things that don't make sense in this world. Jesus is your armor bearer. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He will stand with you in all that you do. The reality being that relationship with the MOST HIGH GOD, will grant you access HIM at the same level you have built your relationship to God -
Newton's 3rd law tells us something about God's relationship with us...
Formally stated, Newton's third law is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.
"What you sew, you shall also reap" - Many people have twisted this into some sort of "knowledge" that if you do something bad you will get something bad. While that could be true, in the absence of GRACE. We don't look at the issue with the light of God on the matter. Giving your heart and soul to GOD results in the giving of GOD to you. Of all that was created, "the created" were created to house the living GOD inside them. (Jesus coming to live inside our hearts when we accept HIM into our hearts and our bodies being a temple to house the light of GOD for eternity) We are physical beings but GOD didn't just create the physical, did He? In nature as well as love we reap what we sew. If we sew the heavenly Father, we shall by all account reap what we sew. It is an infinite ripple effect of the heart, that in it's entirety we can not fathom or calculate, the measure of which God may be able to flow into his children, "the created" .
Open doors are created by joyous people who have lost their identity in favor of the relationship they have created with the all mighty GOD.
Truly, I hope some day you might gain the understanding of it. Truly know that it is not what we can gain but what GOD gains through us that makes the difference. HIs glory amplified by our trust in HIM as we move to seek him out.
Be the open door to the discovery of GOD not only for yourself but for others around you.
I write all of this while waiting on GOD to shed a light on my path to show me the way he would have me to go. The enemy has processed me in such a way that I must prove what GOD has told me by my life or give up completely. Since there is no giving up, I must find GOD's abundant grace and continue to search him out with all my heart.
Life is not easier for some and harder for others. It is a constant war, and as long as we stay trapped and go no further with GOD than the knowledge that he may exist... our lives
will be joined by nothing more than we have put into it.
I choose to go with GOD, I choose to fight with all my will and heart and soul. I choose to let it be known that my life is no longer my own but called by GOD into whatever journey this turns out to be and no matter where it might take me.
I gave my life to HIM when I was eight and he patiently walked with me until all I could do was search out the truth of who HE was to me. Times change and things change and we don't know the answers but GOD does and we wait upon him for the cry of our heart's demands it.
Be diligent to serve him in all your ways and the love of GOD WILL prevail.
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copyright July 2017
"I stood on a hill and saw nothing but GOD, while others saw nothing at all." -