Have you ever asked yourself, "If I wasn't afraid what could I accomplish ?"
I use to imagine all the impossible things I could do if I could only break loose of the chains that bound me. In my mind, I could picture myself flying to the highest reaches and coming back down only to soar again and again. There was NO fear, there in the midst of my heart and above the clouds was peace and freedom. It has been my life long dream even in the silent days to soar, to open my wings and fly among the clouds... to feel the breathe of God light up that little gem of greatness until it burned brighter than even I thought it could. God can do that you know... take the gift you were made for and allow it to make a way for you to push past the "Nay Sayers" and fly so high that only you and GOD know how high you can actually reach.
There is a place inside you that burns to do what it was that God created you to be. Sometimes, it's gone cold and we feel lost but the closer we reach out to God the more we find his heart for us.
God knew you from the beginning and he blessed you with his heart to do the thing he wrote on your soul to do, for me it was writing. I love it so much that even the smell of paper gives me a sense of coming home. Paper is my canvas and it shapes how I walk and talk and even breathe at times. It changes the canvas and scope of the life I lead. When I seek God, I find he inspires the one thing I love that isn't family or friends.
I tell my husband all the time THANK YOU for what he does. I know it isn't easy. He will say "It's what I do". Writing is "what I do" ... It is my driving force/ inspiration and can only be accomplished through God at the helm. My life never made sense until he put it all in order once again. Believing he would change the face of the thing I loved, he changed my canvas and my stars. He disciplined and discipled my heart and my motivation.
Recently, my journey not being as clear as it once was, was presented before God in a way that only he knows was not appropriate for what we had done together. I didn't yell at him but I through up in his face that this was not where I should be, it was the voice of a child instead of a patient adult. I was sad at the way I had spoken to my friends, Father, Son & Holy Spirit. By the time, I apologized later that day ... in a few minutes I heard " I am not afraid of you." Now, to understand what he was tell me you have to know why he told me " I am not afraid of you" ... Often, my husband is sassy... Often, I am sassy back when the banter comes to a head I often say to him "I'm not afraid of you" in my most confident tone. It's the same as sticking my tongue out ... just verbally. We laugh and move on to the next thing at hand that we will likely sass about as well. I never take this kind of banter with my husband seriously. My husband being the one of kind that he is takes much of our sarcasm and adds to the fire.
He is beautifully and wonderfully made.
Fast forward, to the moments in the car the Holy Spirit dropped in my soul " I am not afraid of you"
It was so powerful to hear him take the words I had said to my husband a hundred times and use them on me. He wasn't afraid that I got upset with him, suddenly I was free of condemnation because of his heart for me.
The next day as I was sitting in the parking lot of a local mall, about to go do some "Mom stuff", the Holy spirit dropped something else in my heart. "He wasn't afraid of the process it took to get me where I needed to be." He simply knew every day was a journey and we would do it together as we had always done. Friends do that for one another. They listen to each others hearts when the words fail. They know that their hearts are troubled and weary and the words don't mean much when the heart is burdened and over flowing with process. Over the last two 1/2 years I have learned to listen to the heart of the Father for me, but when it comes to training my heart to listen to him about others... I have failed miserably.
I knew God was ready for me to put in practice the love he had shown me onto others, but I wasn't ready to put away the fear and judgement that was in my heart. Clearly, I had some work to do. Some practical application I don't necessarily use. God has been molding me for a long time. Each time he was doing the work... he is still doing the work. The least I can do is say YES. stop performing in anyway and let the Lord do his work.
All he needs is our whole heart, our full cooperation and to step aside from the things that would mean keeping our pride in tact. Sounds big doesn't it? After two straight years of listening to his heart for me, and saying yes when he asked ... if the choice is being without him or going with him to parts unknown, If it means I get to spend my life with Him!... I choose HIM. He was always my destiny, the truest path I could have walked. He is the way, the truth and the life of my heart, and no destiny or gift great or small compares to the love of God in my heart. There is simply no one before HIM.
He is the light that shines the way to over, through and on this journey I call my life, and I don't want it if it doesn't come from HIM.
What a dream come true. With in the confines of this kind of processing, I find that my faith is strengthened and my heart is more driven to understand His ways in my life, than ever. It's ok, to be lost in your own flesh as long as you know that God designed us to process with him and not away from him. To live in the space where God is, creates the safest place to make a mistake, tumble, slip and just flat out face plant. God knows your weaknesses, your doubts and your dreams and ALL of them are ok. He doesn't expect perfection, he's not looking for that... He is however, I believe... looking for the love that is produced when you give people that safe space to move about the cabin freely and have the opportunity to mess up and come back. Tell Him you messed up and keep going.
He's not afraid of you, strange as it may sound. So, feel free to process without fear and learn to soar through the sky at your own pace.
As one of my favorite speakers and authors writes " God loves your process even more than you do"
Your gonna be "ok" child of God. Beloved, new creature of the most high Father, God. You will will your battle and you WILL walk knowing that you did NOT do this on your own.
Go after your dream knowing that every step was a step with the most HIGH God and fall in love with the journey that takes you there.