When I think of God and I am honest with myself I know I have looked upon him in several different ways, up until a few years ago, he was an image. He was my hero. He was there to take all the wrongs that had happened to me and make them right. I leaned on a promise I did not know externally but I relied upon internally and in secret. One day that God would make good on this internal promise.
I don't know how I managed to form this opinion of God but non the less it was there.
As my life progressed from child to adult, I saw him less and less likely to save me from my choices. The funny thing is I knew he had the power to make all my choices right but he never did, and I lacked the vision for my understanding. He (God) was changed for me. He looked the same, smelled the same and yet he no longer held the same stature for me, with out HIM I was empty, with no reason. I had to keep the pretext that I knew Him better than he knew me but he became a powerless God to me.
Genuine curiosity made me ask again who he was in my life. I began to trifle with the things of God, dare Him, challenge Him. There was no answer from God on these accounts, but wasn't that just it? There was no answer. I would think I would here something but then when I spoke to people about it, I was told I was crazy. "God doesn't do that now. " My calling and destiny became stale and withering. I believed God had no real purpose for me. I began to ask God if he was real why had I not realized the purpose and plan for my life? I had become a willful child to my Father.
During this same time he lost me to myself. Pain and anger changed me for a time. Changed my belief that he was the knight in shining armor I once thought him to be. I was wrecked and ship of my faith and trust went down with me. Completely disillusioned by who my God was, I became persistent in my ignorance. How does one become so stubborn? Loosing sight of His great love was an immense mistake and I nearly drowned in my self pity and pain.
Slowly, (painfully slow) I determined to get to know God. I reasoned as a person would that I didn't know his likes and dislikes, I didn't know his favorite color ... I didn't know him as a friend.
He was someone I felt I had never known. Not really. I then knew God as an acquaintance.
Walking through life, I began again. I allowed him to speak to my heart like a friend.
He knew me before the earth was formed is what his word says;
I am certain I spent my existence with God prior to being nit to this body, loving only HIM.
Today, to the chagrin of many people, I have chosen HIM for my future. So upon my stone (tablet) and my heart lay the purposes, plans & establishments (declarations & decrees) of God. No longer do I need a hero to change the result of choices I have made for my life. What I have learned is that GOD... to me, is my best friend, my husband, my joy, my future, my song, and the words I speak to you now.
God is my greatest joy and my greatest love. He has been with me a lifetime and will be with me forever more. Not a distant God but a God that shows me joy and peace when I least deserve the process but because he loves me more than I love him ... He offers his love freely in return for the limited love in my heart (though I seek every day to give him my heart wholly).
God is my Father, my Papa, my brother, my hope and all the vision I have for myself and my family.
He didn't change the circumstances but he changed me, and while I do not walk on water... If he asked I would go. I would simply step out. Because I have trusted and found my faith not in a hero, or a disembodied god, but in the one true God. His light changed my heart and empowered the sword of the warrior I didn't know I could be.
So onward I walk, not alone not in pain and misery but in justice among my peers.
He has enabled me in a time when enabled power is brief, if at all. I listen for his call and wield the sword of his knowing beyond what I should be capable. It is no longer a daily decision but a knowing his will is ALWAYS for my good.
Run out ahead I rarely do but often it is because my God has bid me run and do not walk to the next place ...
Dream good people of God and know your heart is HIS to love and never forsake.
Who is God, to me? He is a trusted friend. He is a redeemer, He is a visionary. He is light in the midst of the darkness!
God is forgiveness and Hope that springs eternal.
If you do not know this kind of love, I encourage you to ask him for it.
to know that he is there to bring you a coat of many colors and put a ring on your hand!
by Dawn Brown